One night last week I was bored out of my mind, suffering from seasonal afffective disorder, and goofing around the interent. So what do I do? I decide to post a profile on match.com. I mean, why the hell not, right? Might as well put myself out there and see what happens. A couple of days later I get an email telling me that someone saw my profile and sent me a message. Wow, that was fast! So I log in to my match.com account, click on the email link, and up pops up a screen telling me in order to read this message I first have to subscribe. Bastards! So that’s how they make their money. Hmm… do I really want to pay? I mean, maybe match.com is crawling with psychos. So what do I do? I ask a friend of course,
“Were you on match.com? Is it worth paying?”.
Said friend replies, “Yeah, it’s good. Lots more people. Less edgey, which might b good considering”.
Okay… ringing endorsement, right? Not only that but I do know someone who recently married someone they met on match.com. So hey, why not? The next night I give them a credit card number in eager anticipation of the soon to be read message from someone who finds me interesting. Visions of potential coffee dates, nice dinners out, shows, walks in the park, and dare I say, sex, dance in my head. So to cut to the chase, here’s my reply to the friend who recommended paying for match.com…
“I just spent $29.99 for 1 month of match.com because, oh, someone said ‘Yeah, it’s good. Lots more people. Less edgey, which might b good considering’ and look at the email I just got! $29.99 to look at that email!!! THANKS BUDDY!!! One word: FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
And here’s the message, cut-and-pasted with all the formatting, it’s long but you don’t fully understand the absurdity unless you read the whole thing. You just can’t make this shit up if you tried.
MY NAME IS Joy , AM 40 YEARS OLD,AND I GREW UP in TX my city is Mesquite 75149 USA WITH MY MOTHER, S***** , MY DAD WAS
HARDLY EVERHOME DUE TO THE FACT THAT HE WAS MARRIED TO HIS
WORK. MY MOTHER WAS THE ONLY WIFE AND WAS OFFICAILLLY
MARRIED TO MY DAD. MY DAD LOVED ME SO MUCH AND HE REALLY WANTED
TO SPEND TIME WITH ME AND MY MOTHER BUT THINGS WERE SO HARD
FOR HIM IN HIS
PERSONAL LIFE. I WAS ADOPTED AT A VERY YOUNG AGE AND
MY DAD WAS A RICH MAN FROM A VERY WEALTHY BACKGROUND, HE WAS A
VERY HARDWORKING MAN AND HE NEVER JOKED WITH HIS JOB IN ANY
WAY.I GREW UP WITHOUT SEEING MUCH OF MY FATHER AND I DID NOT
KNOW WHAT FATHERLY LOVE REALLY MEANT.
MY DAD DIED nine years ago. .
WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE NOW IS TO DO WHAT MY PARENTS FAILED TO DO
.THAT IS CORRECT HIS MISTAKES BY BEING A GOOD Husband TO MY wife
AND LOVING MY wife WITH ALL MY HEART AND ALL MY SOUL.
THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE IF NOT FOR THE UNTIMELY DEATH OF
MY father nine YEARs AGO. EVER SINCE THE DEATH OF MY
father . I HAVE REMAINED SINGLE.
NOW I HAVE DECIDED TO GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE AND THAT SOMEONE IS
SOMEONE THAT WILL LET ME LOVE him THE WAY I LOVED MY father OR
I AM AN INDOOR PERSON I LOVE TO SWIMM READ AND I LOVE PETS A
LOT I LOVE TO WATCH MOVIES AND I AM A VERY GENTLE AND CARING
man. I AM MATURED IN ALL RAMIFICATIONS, AND I CONSIDER MY SELF A
DECENT man. I LOVE TO TRUST SOMEONE AND I LOVE TO BE TRUSTED
TOO. my father WAS MARRIED WHEN I WAS YOUNG TO b***** S*****.
they WERE MARRIED FOR YEARS UNTIL HE DIED nine years ago .
I USE TO WORK AT MY DADS COMPANY UNTIL I CAME TO AFRICA
AS AN INTERNATIONAL AID WORKER TO WEST AFRICA AND I HAVE
BEEN STATIONED IN AFRICA FOR CLOSE TO 3 YEARS NOW. THATS AFTER
THE DEATH OF MY father .
I will endeavor to reveal a
great deal more about myself than I would normally feel comfortable with a
person I have not yet met, but I feel that the stewardship of that
information is in your good hands.
Yes, I am very capable of giving the type of love you spoke of. I yearn
very much for a true soul mate, best friend and lover.
. my father had been married a long time before. I need not go into the
details at this point. What’s important is where I am at, today. Since the
end of the marriage NINE years ago, I’ve not dated at all. At first, I
tried meeting some wemen, but soon realized that this was a time for
reflection and solitude. It would have been very unwise to go into another
relationship. I DO have a circle of friends. A couple of them happen to be
ladys. There’s never been a “spark.” Never-the-less, I’ve greatly enjoyed
having them all in my life. They have helped me to validate myself from a
I must admit that I’ve thrived as a solo, and could live this way from now
on. But I would like to have one special real woman in my life. I feel that,
like life itself, a love relationship is a sequence of moments. Each
second, minute and day.each word, action, and thought.are an opportunity to
build a lasting relationship, or hold the threat of tearing it down. Love
can be manifested through a quick call to share an experience.something
funny or significant.a shared burden of the everyday things in life that are
not so ideal; a quiet evening of conversation before the fireplace, or time
shared on the deck watching the stars, an approaching storm, or a sunrise; a
close embrace at the end of a difficult passage within everyday life;
completing chores so that we can make an afternoon movie; an unexpected
roses; a kiss for no reason; holding hands in the check-out lane at Wal-Mart;
playing “footsies” under the covers; skipping stones on the water during a
quiet walk; an improvised dance to the radio while in the kitchen; or just
quietly reading and feeling the warm presence of each other. I could go on.
I’ve felt this kind of love, a long, long time ago. In later life, I’ve
wondered if I would ever experience it again. I hope I can.
A balance of my life was wrapped around a career in international aid work to AFRICA. I
started on that path when I was eleven and became an air personality before
the age of 21. I went-on to many successes, mainly back near The Great
Lakes in Michigan , Illinois and Wisconsin (then eastern Iowa,
Texas and Missouri). Later, I was elevated to executive management. I
pursued this career because of my love of humanity and a need to make people
laugh and feel good. But humanitarians is a horribly volatile business that
dictates a way of life filled with rejection, uncertainty, arbitrary
discussions, unemployment, very high pressure, and a continual demand for
commitment and personal upheaval. I had a very high success drive, was
totally dedicated, worked hard.but it was at the expense of my personal
life-and I now regret that greatly.
I learned that love transcends, jobs, careers, interests, addresses.even
families. Love is the most important assignment given us while we are here
I have no children. I miss having no “connection.
I hope this autobiography answers your questions. The only other
unshared aspect of my values is that I’ve come to believe the laws of life
are very simple: Truth and respect. Make the world around you a better
place for everyone you care about. I just can’t live any other way.
The conflict comes with the realization that a young relationship often can’
t bare the weight of “history.” If one doesn’t completely know all dynamics
of the other individual, how can they truly understand and appreciate the
positive outcome from the burdens of the past? We all have faults. We all
make mistakes. We all have regrets. At what point can a relationship
accommodate this aspect? I’ve yet to find an answer for this. I believe it
‘s very important to focus on the present.who we are.and how life’s lessons
can be applied to the future.
You now posses some information from which to determine whether you’d like
to better get to know me. If what is given here does not correlate with
your desires and expectations. It’s completely okay. I would understand.
But if you’d like to continue contact me this is my yahoo id Jfirstname.lastname@example.org , I’d welcome it. And you now have
all of my contact information at the beginning of this letter. I hope to
hear from you again.
Most sincerely and lovingly,